Sunday, August 24, 2008
They're taking the p*$$ aren't they?
Took this photo back in March, but I came across the image again while editing some stuff today and it still makes me giggle, so I thought I'd share. Seen on a stall in Santa Cruz' Nuestra Señora de África Market (wonderful place really), not Shiitake, but SHIT TAKE - two words.
Labels: Translation Hooters
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Stuck In The Middle of Santa Cruz
Is this fine establishment, with possibly, one of the world's most surreal menus. The ineptitude shown by some, no rather a lot of places in Tenerife when it comes to translations, knows no limits, but I'll omit the usual rant about there hardly being any shortage of English speakers whom they could ask to do it properly (probably in return for just a plate of Mountain hard egg or that old favourite, Big holes of Málaga), because, quite frankly, if we were ever offered the job (unlikely), we'd have to decline, or we'd be doing ourselves out of such a nutrient source of pure entertainment.
So, we'll just bring you the menu from the Cafe Roma as it is. They're on the Rambla General Franco in Santa Cruz and, it must be added, come highly recommended for their food, if not for their command of English.
When I began reading ...
Peppers to the natural
Prawns to the plate
... these two lines immediately jumped into my head.
Clowns to the left of me!
Jokers to the right!
And you can be sure Roma hired one, other, or both to do these translations.
Maybe we should SING the menu to the tune of Stuck In The Middle With You?
Also available for your gastronomic and linguistic delight:
Kidneys to the Sherry (they'll need a drink after reading this)
Pulpy to the vinagreta
It's anyone's guess what Mountain hard egg is. We guess that "Pulpy" is the pet name given to an unfortunate 8 armed chappy, but just how the hell they get from Boquerones (Anchovies) to Big holes is beyond my comprehension.
Even Babelfish and Systran couldn't get it that wrong! :)
But we are eternally grateful to Steven Tilly who found these Strange Local Dishes and, as he says, "Still, if you're not veggie and you are prepared to eat whatever it is that the translation means then the meals here look good value"; to Lo que pasa en Tenerife for mysteriously acquiring a copy of the menu to save for posterity and to Canarias Bruta for pointing it out.
... because, we haven't had this hearty a laugh in a long time.
Labels: Translation Hooters
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
More Spanglish in the Canary Islands
You can even boast your linguistic ability across your chest now.
Spanglish doesn't just refer to the errors, of course, but you have to admit that those are the most fun! And we get plenty of them on these islands to keep you amused. Just search for dodgy translations, for a good start. There's our now world-(in)famous Buenavista
There have been many hilarious examples of inedible objects on menus, but you are not safe in the local shops either. This nonsensical slogan on a a pair of little girl's knickers, found in a Tenerife supermarket, is beyond perverted.
And take this dyslexic sign (please) painted on a road in Fuerteventura. Someone once told me that it isn't actually meant to be the English word, STOP, at all. It is the initials for the Spanish phrase, "Siempre Tiene la Obligacion de Parar" (You are always obliged to stop.) Personally, I think they were probably having me on, even though it does mean that, but whichever it is, it's in the wrong order.
Why don't they simply use a Spanish word, like PARA (an order to stop)?
Then, it dawned on me that Spanglish is well rooted here. Why is El Flan - the Canary Islands' most popular desert - called El Flan and not given a Spanish name? A confusing use of Spanglish anyway, from the fact that, in English, a flan would be a filled pastry thing (tarta) and this is clearly a cream caramel?
How did we get here? Ah yes, BoingBoing pointed to a Flickr group for Engrish - the grammatically incorrect variation of English often found in Asian countries - from where my mind went off wandering on it's own. Did they have a Spanglish group, for instance? Yes they do here and one for Broken English.
Pure entertainment, of course, but English is so much fun when it's broke!
Labels: Translation Hooters
Friday, June 30, 2006
Lost in Translation
We're well known for getting the signs and the translations right here in Tenerife (not). This sign is for an Industrial Hostelry (Catering?) Service in a place called Terrassa, where they obviously have no idea what their initials mean in other languages. Don't forget Tenerife also begins with a "T". Oh, it could so easily happen! :)
Image borrowed from here (they have more too).
Labels: Translation Hooters
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Tenerife, Just One Big Quarry
If I enjoy a little poke at the translations around here, wait till we get started on the maths, as seen in the local press. Blog "La ruina de las islas canarias" (The Ruin of the Canary Islands) gives the example of a story which ran recently in Diario de Avisos, which referred to quarries on the island of Tenerife.
"As soon as the article begins", say "La ruina", we come to the catastrophic paragraph: "The Tenerife Cabildo has approved the respective plans for four areas of extraction which add up to 1.57 million square kilometers, which is equivalent to 157 football pitches."
Despite being an ex-accountant (and a reformed journalist), my mental arithmetic is crap and my judgement of distances worse, but even I could work out that there isn't that much space in all of the Canary Islands, let alone in Tenerife. The area of Tenerife is only around 2,000 square kilometers.
The nearest equivalent country with 1,564,116 km² is Mongolia.
Whilst most of us can visualize a football pitch, it doesn't really help us when they suggest the wrong size. If 1.57 million kilometers squared is 157 football pitches, Diario de Avisos are suggesting that a football pitch is 10,000 kilometers square.
If that were so, then the whole of the Canary Islands together, whose area is just 7,500 kilometers square, would be smaller than a football pitch. This might explain the very high density of people per meter squared here, mind you.
Just as a comparison, "The Soviet Union measured some 10,000 kilometers from Kaliningrad on the Gulf of Danzig in the west to Ratmanova Island (Big Diomede Island) in the Bering Strait, or roughly equivalent to the distance from Edinburgh, Scotland, east to Nome, Alaska." That's just length remember! :)
'Bout the same as the length of the outer wall of the Great Wall of China.
To imagine an equivalent area, try: "About 10,000 square kilometers of the Mekong River Delta in Vietnam are under rice cultivation, making the area one of the major rice-growing regions of the world." Also, "About 10,000 square kilometers of the total area of Bangladesh is covered with water".
The whole country of Lebanon is 10,400 kilometers square.
Bloody hell, it would be tiring running round that for 90 minutes! :)
For the non-fanatics: An official football pitch measures about 105 x 65 meters, which is to say, 6,825 square meters. Somewhat less than ¾ of a hectare.
As ever, say "La ruina", they have confused their meters with their kilometers. Something which is bad enough with lengths, but these errors multiply by 1,000 when you square them. The only figure that makes sense is that the quarries add up to 1.57 million square meters, which is to say one million times less than what the newspaper have reported.
"La ruina" have kindly provided us with a map, here, which shows an area, containing all of the Canary Islands, Madeira, a portion of the Western Sahara and lots of Atlantic ocean enclosed within a white square of one million square kilometers. That is only about 2/3rds of the 1.57 million that would be affected by the quarrying, IF we were to take Diario de Avisos' figures as gospel. :)
Personally, I suspect Diario de Avisos reporters of being afflicted by some kind of World Cup fever already.
Otra vez se lían con los números en la prensa
Distance and Area Unit Conversions
Labels: Translation Hooters
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
No Passing on Winding Days
This sign, which I am absolutely certain is on the road between Buenavista del Norte and Punta Teno (haven't been down there lately), says, boldly: "Road Closed HIGH DANGER OF EARTH FALLING DURING WINDING OR RAINING DAYS"
The road certainly isn't straight on any days, so is that days when you are wound up (as in stressed) or, do they think they mean, no passing on days when you've eaten too many beans? :)
The Union Jack is a nice touch tho', just in case you have no friggin idea what they are on about in what language! :)
Earth falling? They mean bloody great rocks!
Honestly, I do, I despair of them. Great big corporation sign in bright yellow - you would imagine, wouldn't you, that someone would think to have it properly checked - by someone who actually speaks English - before it is put up there at the side of the road, all big and bold, for our pure entertainment.
Labels: Translation Hooters
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Canary Island Translation Hooters
Prepare your sides for a real severe splitting! Honestly, I have not laughed as loudly, or as much in ages, as I have at these two wonderfully screwed up translations.
How the hell the unsuspecting English speaking visitor is supposed to cope, is another matter entirely. Actually, now I know why British visitors stick to familiar English Breakfasts, Sunday Roasts, McDonalds and such, so prolific in the resorts. They obviously don't want to - literally - risk their lives with the local food!
The first example is a homemade desert menu (and the deserts), from a restaurant on the south of Gran Canaria, whose identity has been obscured to protect the guilty.
Miguel at Canarias Bruta comments that "He who has translated this menu into other languages (without doubt, someone called Babelfish, Systran or similar) ought to get the Nobel prize for literature for such great work." And continues, "I am going to order the Brochette of Fruits. It ought to have an explosive flavour." You bet it will!
See the post here and the full version of the menu image here
Oh, for those who don't know, where it says "yogourt of fragmentation hand grenade", it is actually trying and, obviously, failing utterly miserably, to say "pineapple yoghurt". :)
No, please, don't ask me how even a automated translation robot (even if it's on speed or acid) can make that connection! Personally, I'm not sure I really want to eat "Arm of Gypsy", either, but at least that is a literal translation of the Spanish original. Of the six items listed on that menu, not one of the English translations gets it completely correct.
But, wait, there is more ... Bandage the fragmentation hand grenade
Once you've risked eating the aforementioned hand grenade, it is pretty likely that you will want a bandage and the intrepid Canary Island traveller need go no further than the Lagartario de la Montaña de Arucas (Lizard zoo in Arucas), also Gran Canaria.
This time, they suggest - and I am going to translate it because you will not work it out from the English at all - that, "If you want to see the lizards in action, throw them a tomato."
Fair enough, so far? The next bit is what gets totally mangled, from "vendemos" (we sell) into bandage, which would have been "venda" in Spanish. What they really mean is that "if you don't have a tomato, we sell them in the restaurant." Perhaps, on the other hand, if you don't have a tomato, the lizard will bite you and you'll need first aid! :)
In all fairness to my neighbours, translations, it has to be said, are no better in Tenerife. I've had my rant previously about the Sweets of Canary and other Dodgy Translations. And, as I have said before and the above proves, menus everywhere contain similar examples of non-edible things to the point that I have given up on trying to translate their English.
Labels: Translation Hooters
Saturday, February 04, 2006
Dodgy Translations
A XXX rated salad, a submarine hedgehog and a herd of 5,000 bison rampaging across England's New Forest ...
What are these, the latest Sun headlines? Monty Python story lines? No, just the world bent out of shape by linguistic error.
By popular demand, well, OK, one request, I thought I would share with you some of my favorite moments from my linguistic clanger collection. Actually, I don't believe the list is that enviable, but these have caused the odd giggle.
My own piece de resistance in mangling a foreign language wasn't in Spanish, it was in French. Chatting with an au pair in England - she was French - we discovered that she also spoke a little bit of German, as do I, but not much English.
We further discovered that there was one word we both knew in all three languages. A very useful word really too - Shit.
Well, my French is not that great, so my next comment, meaning to say, "you don't SAY shit in front of the children", actually came out as "don't shit in front of the children".
I am sure she wasn't thinking of doing any such thing!
If there is one piece of advice I can give you for when you will inevitably trip over your new tongue while learning a language, is not to let your errors worry you. Just like a stage act, the show must go on. People generally understand what you meant to say and nobody much is ever offended these days.
(Give or take the odd cartoon episode.)
I shall never forget two old ladies, whom we dubbed "Hinge and Bracket", that we met in Benidorm (of all places), back in 1978. They were enjoying watching the flamingo dancers, while drinking shangri-la, according to them. :)
Spanish is filled with lists of what are called "false friends" - that is words that look like what you think they are going to mean, but which mean something else entirely. One famously - to regress to the scatological theme - being constipado. Which, means to have a stuffed up nose, as in a head cold.
Obvious really, wasn't it? :)
False Friends - Spanish Words That Are Easily Misunderstood
Do a Google search for "false friends" and you'll see that this phenomenon is by no means restricted just to Spanish.
For serious students, Wikipedia has a more technical article on the concept and a multilingual list of false friends here.
Getting back to the clangers ...
As you may (or may not) know, MOST of the time you can safely change a masculine word in Spanish (one that ends in an O) into it's feminine equivalent, simply by changing the last letter to an A. Of course, there are exceptions to this.
So there was the time that a friend of a friend once asked her future mother-in-law for "ensalada de polla". Well the ensalada (salad) part is OK. Pollo is chicken. Unfortunately, polla is not hen, that is gallina. Polla is a part of the male anatomy that one does not normally eat as part of a light summer lunch.
Well, at least not in company of one's future mother-in-law. :)
Screwing with the natural habitat ...
One of my favorite linguistic clangers comes from my days at the newspapers.
What animal is spiky and does a lot of damage to the seabed?
A scuba diving hedgehog, maybe? Well, only maybe. The story, which originally ran in the local Spanish press, talked about the plague of erizo that were damaging the seabed around the south of the island, and indeed erizo is the Spanish word for hedgehog.
But, I had never seen a hedgehog in the south of Tenerife anywhere, much less in the sea (we do have 'em, on land, in the north), so out came the dictionary. Ah, erizo is also the translation of sea urchin, so that would be our plague.
Logical really, both being spiky.
This isn't a problem, in context, but it does mean that you have to read the entire context to get the right meaning.
The funny part is that one of the other English language newspapers obviously didn't read the entire context, because, a couple of weeks after this, their translation of the story appeared, complete with a picture of a hedgehog.
Theirs didn't have a snorkel though! 
Photo Credit: U. S. Fish and Wildlife Service
But, to be fair, even the professionals have off days.
Spanish national news agency EFE used to provide the newspaper I worked for with stories translated into English.
One alarming report claimed a herd of some 5,000 BISON were laying waste to the New Forest in the south of England.
This caused us a laugh, but we knew what the problem was. In Spanish, B's are pronounced a bit like V's and vice versa.
What was really running around the south of England in its thousands were VISÓN, which when translated into English are MINK, let out of a fur farm by animal activists. Still damaging pests, but I think you'd notice the difference if you met one.
As luck would have it on this occasion, we had "our man on the spot", no more than a few hundred yards from a cattle grid into the forest, in New Milton. My late father; always a man capable of maturely assessing a situation and acting accordingly.
He did indeed report the sighting of one bison in the vicinity.
In the bathroom: a wash hand bison (basin).
Labels: Translation Hooters
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Sweets of Canary
Don't get me started on one of my pet peeves. Well, OK, if you must.
In the Canary Islands, it seems, no there definitely is, a policy to give jobs to locals before foreigners.
Understandable, you might say. Legally, particularly in the case of fellow EU member citizens, this isn't allowed, but the fact is that as a foreigner, even if you have perfect Spanish and submit a job application to a Canarian owned company, you mostly just get ignored.
This avoids companies from making any open admission to their policy, in writing, and thus suffering its legal consequences. But, whilst I am sure there are many people who do not know about this going on, or deny it, otherwise it's an "open secret".
And there is one area where this policy backfires big-style.
That of translating into English.
My Spanish is sometimes better than the locals, but I am not daft enough to write or translate into Spanish, except for my own personal correspondence, because Spanish is not my native tongue and the result will inevitably come out awkward.
(Well, I don't claim my English is perfect either, but that is a whole other story. Thank goodness for spellcheckers!)
I am all up for trying to use Spanish on a day-to-day basis, because this is the right thing to do to fit in (in fact, it's all I speak these days and I keep losing English words as a result), but if I ever had to produce something vitally important in writing, in Spanish, I'd have it double-checked by a native Spanish speaker. This seems the logical thing to do.
The official diplomatic and business rule is that one should only translate into one's native tongue. One should speak or write in one's native language, then, if there is going to be any misinterpretation, it can only be at the receiving end.
This doesn't seem to bother the Canarians, as anyone who has ever tried to read the results of many a non-native English speaker's efforts of translating into English will attest.
The example of one Canarian produced English language (using the term very very loosely indeed) newspaper springs to mind.
Yes, if you understand Spanish and thus the errors that are most commonly made, then you will understand what was trying to be said. Otherwise it's pure entertainment.
In that particular case, I just could not help but offer my services and, in verbal response, was told quite bluntly that they have to employ Canarians for the job. Seems short-sighted to me, but it's futile to argue with this "wisdom".
Another howler was an advertising billboard on the side of the road that joins the south motorway to the north, which proffered the enticing delicacy, "Sweets of Canary".
My weird imagination wondered if these were little birds on a stick, maybe with a toffee coating, or very very small sweets indeed i.e. sweetbreads from said unfortunate songbird.
Bet that would take his pitch up a couple of octaves! :)
The company in question probably paid pots of money to have that stuck up there in huge letters to advertise, what I presume are their traditional "Canary Islands' Sweets".
As advertising goes, I suppose that at least it was memorable, but for all the wrong reasons. Frankly, I'm surprised it hasn't caused road accidents from laughter. Or maybe it has?
Menus everywhere contain similar examples of non-edible things to the point that I have given up on trying to translate their English and, the phenomenon is now carried on at many a Canarian website that offers a clumsy English version.
My aim is not to ridicule. I would truly like to help, but the opportunity is seldom afforded me. Anyway, I am not picking on anyone, this is just an example (and by no means the worst) I saw the other day and can thus remember off the top of my head. Read the English version of the Casa de Los Balcones website and you will see what I am talking about.
It is sort of English, probably automatically and therefore literally translated. You can understand it, but it is long-winded, clumsy and very very dry. We would not write English like that, especially not to SELL the attractions of something.
Oh, if only they would ask a native English speaker to check.
It's not like there is any shortage of us capable of assisting!
Of course, you could say, leave things as they are, or we will lose a valuable source of entertainment, but that is hardly the point. Canarian companies need to compete in the world and their image, currently, is not one that is conducive to this.
Much as I understand the policy of giving jobs to locals in preference, even if, strictly, it is illegal, the result, in this case, is that not being flexible leaves Canarian companies looking like a bunch of amateurs to their international audience.
What reminded me of all this? Ah yes, Leslie has another linguistically baffling example in his post on Canarian Culture, which contains a bonus primer on the “My one’s bigger than yours” division in the local political organization, plus a very well-observed run down on the history of the culture to boot.
It does give you some insights into why this custom has come about, and, as Leslie says, "The ability to compete globally requires the very homogeny that erodes the culture."
The culture is one of the most important things that these island have to offer and it should be preserved.
But progress cannot be avoided and Canarian people want and deserve to improve their standards of living as much as anyone else. And, that can't be achieved without some sort of economy that relies on outsiders and the outside world.
It is this refusal to employ foreigners that actually causes the erosion. A Brit who knows he is not going to find employment is going to make his own. He'll open yet another English bar, causing the image of the island to be yet again polluted.
You end up with Las Americas, where a Canarian can't buy a beer in his native language and those visitors who would like to experience something of the real island flavour, can't find it.
What Canarian companies should do is to use the resource - us ‘Guiris’ - they have at their fingertips, for their own gain.
Labels: Translation Hooters
